Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
