i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
