We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
