Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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