Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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