I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Drake has all the answers
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
