did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
