you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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