haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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