If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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