The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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