you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
