Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
