just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
