i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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