before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
