I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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