Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
