If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
