i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize