So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Damn victory sex feels great
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
