I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
