i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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