she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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