i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
