I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
