kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
