How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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