I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm way too hungover for life right now
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
