I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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