it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
