I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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