We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
