i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
