You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
