Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
