Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize