he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
