The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
