If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize