So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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