New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
