Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
