I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
please don't ironically join a cult
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