can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
