Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
