a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
