TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
