I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
