If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
