Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You've changed since you got that strap on
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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