Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
