I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
