I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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