i jhust puked up my retainher.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
