He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
