I will die if light touches me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
