I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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