On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
