I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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