I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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