im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize