somebody snuck up and got me drunk
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
babies were throwing up all over the place
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
