is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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