The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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