last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
