i already hear my dad disowning me
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
