Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
