I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
