Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
