we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
