I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you had me at cake vodka
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
