I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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