a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize