hell yes lets make some ravioli
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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