You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
