even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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