We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
