My nipple is on Facebook.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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