you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
