when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
