apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
