His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
