If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
