12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
