I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize