Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
