why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
