you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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