so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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