smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
