end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
