2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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