Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
