There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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