What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
