I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
