i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
